The biggest role model

I am my kids' biggest role model.

Whether I like it or not I am the biggest example in my kids' life. Especially being a stay at home mom...I am with them all the time. What I do...they will see, whether I know it or not.

Being an example and role model is a silent job...it's un-seen. They see the things you do and how you act even if you don't know their watching...So what I do is something I have to be ok with my girls doing. The way I react to something...is that the way I want them to react too?

I have pierced ears...and I'm ok with my girls getting pierced ears. Even though they haven't yet. They do need to be responsible enough to not mess with them and help take care of them.

I have dyed my hair red before...there are pictures. Am I ok with my girls dyeing their hair a surprising or strange color? 

I don't have any tattoos...do I want my girls following in my example and not getting a tattoo? If I had one...I would have to be ok with my kids getting one too.  

Do I want my girls to talk clean? Yes...so that's how I talk. Have good manners?...say please and thank you? Yes! That's why I even say please and thank you to my girls. If I expect them to have good manners toward others...it only makes sense to have good manners to them too. 

I need to dress the way I want my girls to dress. As a mom of girls I need to teach them to dress modestly...even at a young age. The way I dress is a good influence on them and how they should dress. Even though they may be too young right now to understand, I can still lead by example and use this as a tool for later when they will understand.

Even just the little things I do...like how I react when I get mad. Or how I handle punishing them. It's all things that their little minds are taking in. I want their minds to absorb the right things. Am I doing the right things? Am I being the right kind of influence on them? 

This is not something that I think about as much as I should. In the midst of being mad I usually don't stop and think "what kind of example am I being right now". Am I leading them in the right direction? In the way they should go?

The Favorite...?

So you know the saying that your not supposed to have a favorite kid? Seriously, how could you even decide? But...is there a difference between a favorite kid and different bonds with them? Yes...I think so.

I love all my girls the same...but in different ways. They have different personalities. So we have different bonds...we get along in different ways...But I don't think that's the same as having a favorite.

Emma is my oldest. She just turned 4 last month (in December). We are so much alike...she is literally my mini-me...just like me. Our personalities are very similar. Even down to the little things like we don't like trying new foods. Or we would much rather wear yogo pants or "soft pants" as Emma calls them, than blue jeans. She is even more outgoing like me. And don't even get me started on her sweet-tooth she gets from me.

Ava is my middle girl. She turned 3 in November. We are less alike...she is much more like Jon. She has such a silly personality. Although she does have my sweet tooth. She is also very sneaky, and I think she gets that from me too. She once licked frosting off about 8 cupcakes without me knowing. She is very stubborn and Jon says she gets that from me. 

Leah is my youngest...the baby of the family. We will be celebrating her 1st birthday at the end of January! She is my happy baby. Sweet baby. Silly. She is still too young to know who she will be more like I think. I also feel a bond with Leah because she very well could be our last baby. Unless God blesses us with a surprise.

So...no favorites...just different bonds with different kids. Each kid has their own personality so you get along with them differently. So maybe...all my girls are my favorites :) 

Whirlwind

So you might be wondering where I've been...It's been a whirlwind the past couple weeks.

Christmas Eve we traveled to Elkhart, where my family lives. So most of the day we were traveling. It's a 5-6 hour trip... and of course we stopped at Lee's famous recipe chicken!

Christmas day, of course, was quite busy. We usually have a Christmas at my parents house and then a separate Christmas at my Grandma's house. But this year it was combined at my parents house. Double the presents. Double the chaos. But we had fun.

  

Thursday...the day after Christmas...Jon and I went on a date for lunch before he left to go home. The girls and I stayed with my parents for a longer visit. 

Saturday...my brother and his family came over to my parents house and we took the kids sledding! (my parents house sits on a hill, so we have grown up going sledding right outside our door!) 

This was the first time I was able to take my just turned 3 year old sledding!

The kids really enjoyed it :) 

My youngest watched from inside. 

Tuesday morning we went to my grandparents house to visit with them. I praise the Lord I was able to go and take my girls for this visit. 

We didn't do anything for New Year's Eve...I value my sleep too much...New Year's day it was just a lazy day with the whole family. 

The girls and I were supposed to go home on Saturday, Jan 4th, but decided to stay...I'm very glad we did.

Sunday evening into Monday Elkhart got quite a bit of snow. Monday and Tuesday were the really really cold days. In the negatives. The real feel for Monday was -45. So of course we stayed home...especially since there was a ban on driving. 

The driving ban was lifted just in time for me to have to take Emma to an urgent care for an ear infection on Wednesday...and of course that evening she started looking like she might have pink eye. 2 days later of waiting it out I decided it was just a cold in her eye. It seems to be better now. 

Saturday evening...Jan 4th...my Opa (Grandpa) went home to be with the Lord. He fought cancer for over a year...and now he is walking the streets of gold!

The funeral was on Friday...it was beautiful, he would have liked it. He was 90 years old. An amazing example and role model for everyone who knew him. My grandparents had been married for 63 years! What an amazing example of a God-centered marriage! 

Such a bittersweet time...Life is so precious. Cherish every minute you have with your loved ones. I am so blessed that I was able to see him one last time...and take my girls to see him too. We will miss Opa always, but heaven has gained a true warrior for Christ. We have comfort and peace knowing he's with Jesus. 

Invisible

Being a mom (especially a stay at home mom) is sometimes an invisible job.

I can't speak for other moms, and maybe some have never thought of it like that.

I was just browsing my facebook feed on my phone and saw a friend's status...She was supposed to be busy baking cookies, wrapping presents, making food, and instead...she was holding her crying baby. While it was the right thing to be doing, she was frustrated and felt invisible.

I thought to myself...wow, I feel like that all the time. Invisible...especially when the kids aren't listening, and need to sit in time out.

Or when the girls aren't getting along, and need to wear their get along shirt.

I take care of my girls all day, and I'm on-call at night if one wakes up crying. I haven't gotten a full nights sleep in years.

But that's part of being a good mom...the details you do for your families that go unnoticed and unknown unless not taken care of.

And being a mom isn't about getting acknowledged for all the unspoken things we do. It's about doing the things that need to be done and knowing we accomplished it...even if its rocking our crying baby to sleep. Or buying a new toothbrush for a kid that just got over a cold. Or washing a blanket to get the spit up out.

A mom's job is not invisible. A mom's job is just a behind-the-scenes kind of job. Like at a play...the person that directs the cast backstage where to go next, make up, hair, costumes, etc. Or the person that makes a snack for the cast...I mean no one thinks, wow the person that had water waiting for the characters off stage in between scenes was great!

But instead... mom's get rewarded with smiles like these...

So even though we may feel invisible sometimes...our kids know us, even when they don't listen. We help shape our kids into who they grow up to be.  And that's very important.

The best and worst...

Best part about being a mom for me...

It melts my heart when my girls say they love me on their own...without me saying it first. I love getting hugs and kisses from them. I love it on the rare occasion they want to snuggle with me. 

I love hearing them say, all by themselves, that they like what I made for dinner. I love the sound of their laughter. I love how excited they can get over little things. I love hearing them sing...even if it is off tune and the wrong melody and they jumble the words. I love being silly with them.

I love putting little girl outfits together and painting nails and playing with hair...ok, that one's just a bonus with having girls.

Worst part about being a mom for me...

I hate that it seems like I never have enough patience. I hate that I stress about every little thing imaginable.

I hate potty training...and I don't really like teething either.

I hate the stubbornness that my girls got from me. I hate when they don't listen. I hate that my house is never clean anymore. I hate that they steal my energy. 

How my walk with God has grown since becoming a mom...

Honestly...I'm more aware of what I do and how I act... and if I'm being the right kind of influence or not. 

Becoming a mom has made me trust God more. Trust him to get me through all the worst parts of being a mom. 

It's given me faith that I can get through the day without loosing my mind. 

I want to be a better person, a better christian, so I can be the example my girls should have. 

I dress the way they should dress...even at a young age, they learn by example. I want to teach my girls modesty. I don't want them to remember something that I wore when they were 3 and 4 and as a teenager they say "you wore it back then, why can't I now?" (another thing to worry about) 

All in all...

I love being a mom. Yes, of course there are always things I can work on to be a better mom...and even a better person. 

There are good times and hard times of being a mom...every mom has the ups and downs that come with having kids. 

Traditions

I looked up the definition of a tradition and this is what I found... 

the handing down of information, beliefs, and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction

We always had traditions growing up. But to create our own is a bit harder than I thought it might be. I'm a bit more social and family oriented than my husband. I like to be around our families for holidays...and he would much rather just stay home. 

Needless to say...we decided to start our own thing this past Thanksgiving. We stayed home. I made a ham and some good sides to go with it...and we stayed home in our jammies all day. It was actually nice, even relaxing. 

When we sat around the table to eat we shared things that we're thankful for. It was fun to hear what the girls had to say! 

I am also realizing that a tradition doesn't have to just be on or for a holiday. 

We have started a little "tradition" that whenever we are going past a certain city (always the same place) to visit family we stop at Lee's famous recipe chicken. We don't have one by us, and we pass one no matter which family we're going to, it's on the way. 

Christmas is a little harder to make our own traditions. We go different places to see family. So to start a tradition of our own is tough. 

But a tradition is also something you do daily. We have taught our kids to pray before eating, even if we're at a restaurant. 

I can only hope that we'll create more of our own traditions with our girls. 

Never give up

"Successful mothers are not the ones who have never struggled. They are the ones who never give up, despite the struggles." 

There are so many struggles I could mention on this topic. Daily struggles like stress, worry, and impatience, etc. 

But I think its time to share my biggest challenge I've ever been through being a mom. When I hear this phrase it reminds me of my biggest struggle as a mom. A time that I didn't think I'd make it to the next day. 

When I was 20 weeks pregnant with our first baby my husband lost his job. We moved in with my parents. After many months of unsuccessful attempts at finding a job. We had Emma!

A few more months went by with no luck on a job. Then... a long 7 months after my husband lost his job...he got a new job! But...we would have to move. The thought of moving was mind boggling. I'm very close with my family, so I really didn't like the thought of being far away from them. 

So he started his new job. Emma and I stayed with my parents for about 3 more weeks before we moved out with Jon. He came back every weekend to visit us. I was very scared, being a new mom and moving to a new city where I didn't know anyone. 

So we moved 5 1/2 hours away, which was very difficult for me. The weekend after Emma and I moved in with Jon I found out I was pregnant with baby #2. This was not in our plan. 

Here we are new job, new city (I didn't know a soul), new baby that was 3 1/2 months old. I was not prepared for this. I couldn't go to the doctor because we didn't have insurance yet. 

Everything worked out that I was able to find a doctor and get in after the insurance started. My due date was the day before Emma's first birthday. It was a very stressful pregnancy for me. We were trying to find a church, trying to make friends, and trying to figure out how to be first time parents...while preparing for the next baby. 

I think it was from stress, but I went into labor 2 1/2 weeks early. We had Ava! She ended up having to be in the NICU for 13 days. 

We brought Ava home 6 days before Emma's 1st birthday. They got to meet for the first time. It was hard to believe Emma was not even 1 yet and a big sister. They are 11 months and 1 week apart.

After we brought Ava home she started to cry all the time. It turned out that she had acid reflux and daytime colic...Emma had colic, but we were living with my parents and Jon wasn't working, so I always had help. Ava was colic during the day. I didn't know hardly anyone and Jon worked...and she also spit up all the time from the acid reflux. She was taking medicine for the reflux, so that did help some. 

After all this I started to cry all the time, everything made me cry. I finally went to the doctor because of it. I had postpartum depression. My doctor gave me a prescription and she even told me I should try to go stay with my parents for a week or 2. So of course I jumped on that and me and the girls stayed with my parents for 2 weeks.

So that was the toughest time in my life... 

Some of my favorite pictures of Emma and Ava...

They wear the same size...even this young

They love eachother...I call them frienimies.

Now...I wouldn't have them any other way. It was the hardest time in my life, but I'm thankful for how it turned out. I think sometimes to myself...if I could get through that, than I can get through anything.