Invisible

Being a mom (especially a stay at home mom) is sometimes an invisible job.

I can't speak for other moms, and maybe some have never thought of it like that.

I was just browsing my facebook feed on my phone and saw a friend's status...She was supposed to be busy baking cookies, wrapping presents, making food, and instead...she was holding her crying baby. While it was the right thing to be doing, she was frustrated and felt invisible.

I thought to myself...wow, I feel like that all the time. Invisible...especially when the kids aren't listening, and need to sit in time out.

Or when the girls aren't getting along, and need to wear their get along shirt.

I take care of my girls all day, and I'm on-call at night if one wakes up crying. I haven't gotten a full nights sleep in years.

But that's part of being a good mom...the details you do for your families that go unnoticed and unknown unless not taken care of.

And being a mom isn't about getting acknowledged for all the unspoken things we do. It's about doing the things that need to be done and knowing we accomplished it...even if its rocking our crying baby to sleep. Or buying a new toothbrush for a kid that just got over a cold. Or washing a blanket to get the spit up out.

A mom's job is not invisible. A mom's job is just a behind-the-scenes kind of job. Like at a play...the person that directs the cast backstage where to go next, make up, hair, costumes, etc. Or the person that makes a snack for the cast...I mean no one thinks, wow the person that had water waiting for the characters off stage in between scenes was great!

But instead... mom's get rewarded with smiles like these...

So even though we may feel invisible sometimes...our kids know us, even when they don't listen. We help shape our kids into who they grow up to be.  And that's very important.

The best and worst...

Best part about being a mom for me...

It melts my heart when my girls say they love me on their own...without me saying it first. I love getting hugs and kisses from them. I love it on the rare occasion they want to snuggle with me. 

I love hearing them say, all by themselves, that they like what I made for dinner. I love the sound of their laughter. I love how excited they can get over little things. I love hearing them sing...even if it is off tune and the wrong melody and they jumble the words. I love being silly with them.

I love putting little girl outfits together and painting nails and playing with hair...ok, that one's just a bonus with having girls.

Worst part about being a mom for me...

I hate that it seems like I never have enough patience. I hate that I stress about every little thing imaginable.

I hate potty training...and I don't really like teething either.

I hate the stubbornness that my girls got from me. I hate when they don't listen. I hate that my house is never clean anymore. I hate that they steal my energy. 

How my walk with God has grown since becoming a mom...

Honestly...I'm more aware of what I do and how I act... and if I'm being the right kind of influence or not. 

Becoming a mom has made me trust God more. Trust him to get me through all the worst parts of being a mom. 

It's given me faith that I can get through the day without loosing my mind. 

I want to be a better person, a better christian, so I can be the example my girls should have. 

I dress the way they should dress...even at a young age, they learn by example. I want to teach my girls modesty. I don't want them to remember something that I wore when they were 3 and 4 and as a teenager they say "you wore it back then, why can't I now?" (another thing to worry about) 

All in all...

I love being a mom. Yes, of course there are always things I can work on to be a better mom...and even a better person. 

There are good times and hard times of being a mom...every mom has the ups and downs that come with having kids. 

Traditions

I looked up the definition of a tradition and this is what I found... 

the handing down of information, beliefs, and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction

We always had traditions growing up. But to create our own is a bit harder than I thought it might be. I'm a bit more social and family oriented than my husband. I like to be around our families for holidays...and he would much rather just stay home. 

Needless to say...we decided to start our own thing this past Thanksgiving. We stayed home. I made a ham and some good sides to go with it...and we stayed home in our jammies all day. It was actually nice, even relaxing. 

When we sat around the table to eat we shared things that we're thankful for. It was fun to hear what the girls had to say! 

I am also realizing that a tradition doesn't have to just be on or for a holiday. 

We have started a little "tradition" that whenever we are going past a certain city (always the same place) to visit family we stop at Lee's famous recipe chicken. We don't have one by us, and we pass one no matter which family we're going to, it's on the way. 

Christmas is a little harder to make our own traditions. We go different places to see family. So to start a tradition of our own is tough. 

But a tradition is also something you do daily. We have taught our kids to pray before eating, even if we're at a restaurant. 

I can only hope that we'll create more of our own traditions with our girls. 

Never give up

"Successful mothers are not the ones who have never struggled. They are the ones who never give up, despite the struggles." 

There are so many struggles I could mention on this topic. Daily struggles like stress, worry, and impatience, etc. 

But I think its time to share my biggest challenge I've ever been through being a mom. When I hear this phrase it reminds me of my biggest struggle as a mom. A time that I didn't think I'd make it to the next day. 

When I was 20 weeks pregnant with our first baby my husband lost his job. We moved in with my parents. After many months of unsuccessful attempts at finding a job. We had Emma!

A few more months went by with no luck on a job. Then... a long 7 months after my husband lost his job...he got a new job! But...we would have to move. The thought of moving was mind boggling. I'm very close with my family, so I really didn't like the thought of being far away from them. 

So he started his new job. Emma and I stayed with my parents for about 3 more weeks before we moved out with Jon. He came back every weekend to visit us. I was very scared, being a new mom and moving to a new city where I didn't know anyone. 

So we moved 5 1/2 hours away, which was very difficult for me. The weekend after Emma and I moved in with Jon I found out I was pregnant with baby #2. This was not in our plan. 

Here we are new job, new city (I didn't know a soul), new baby that was 3 1/2 months old. I was not prepared for this. I couldn't go to the doctor because we didn't have insurance yet. 

Everything worked out that I was able to find a doctor and get in after the insurance started. My due date was the day before Emma's first birthday. It was a very stressful pregnancy for me. We were trying to find a church, trying to make friends, and trying to figure out how to be first time parents...while preparing for the next baby. 

I think it was from stress, but I went into labor 2 1/2 weeks early. We had Ava! She ended up having to be in the NICU for 13 days. 

We brought Ava home 6 days before Emma's 1st birthday. They got to meet for the first time. It was hard to believe Emma was not even 1 yet and a big sister. They are 11 months and 1 week apart.

After we brought Ava home she started to cry all the time. It turned out that she had acid reflux and daytime colic...Emma had colic, but we were living with my parents and Jon wasn't working, so I always had help. Ava was colic during the day. I didn't know hardly anyone and Jon worked...and she also spit up all the time from the acid reflux. She was taking medicine for the reflux, so that did help some. 

After all this I started to cry all the time, everything made me cry. I finally went to the doctor because of it. I had postpartum depression. My doctor gave me a prescription and she even told me I should try to go stay with my parents for a week or 2. So of course I jumped on that and me and the girls stayed with my parents for 2 weeks.

So that was the toughest time in my life... 

Some of my favorite pictures of Emma and Ava...

They wear the same size...even this young

They love eachother...I call them frienimies.

Now...I wouldn't have them any other way. It was the hardest time in my life, but I'm thankful for how it turned out. I think sometimes to myself...if I could get through that, than I can get through anything.

Gave up & Gained...

"Being a mom isn't about what you gave up to have a baby, but what you gained from having one"

I've seen and heard this saying many times since having my first baby. But seeing it today, all I could think of was... "I gave up a smaller body, and gained stretch marks" ...I know that's not the purpose of what the phrase is saying, but still, quite true:)

How I look at myself is NOT what I want to teach my girls is right. I WANT to teach them to love and accept themselves no matter what they look like. Even if they don't think they are perfect the way they are. I know it's so cliche' to say that, but it is still true. 

Since getting married a little over 8 years ago I have gained 60 pounds. That includes having 3 kids. Growing up I was always quite petite. When I got married I was in size 3 jeans at 20 years old. I won't say what size I wear now. I still don't feel like this is my body...if that even makes sense. 

And the stretch marks...honestly, what can I say about that? Nothing nice comes to mind. If your a mom, you probly have them. 'Nough said on that.

Then, there is this...I gained 3 amazing little girls! (I will say more positives later)

I gave up...my body, my freedom, and myself.

I already talked about the first. If your a parent you know about the freedom. Good bye date night...hello mac n cheese and Disney movies. 

Something else I have given up... is myself. If your confused on this one, let me explain. Everything is about the kids. What's for dinner? ->Something the kids will eat... What do you want to watch? ->Something Princess... Date night?->no babysitter... seriously, kids are at the center of every decision made. 

I've gotten to the point that at times, I don't even know who I am anymore. Everything I do is about the girls, Everything I even think about is about the girls. They...have taken over my life. 

But...I wouldn't have it any other way... Weird right?

I've gained stretch marks, fulfillment, and passion.

Again, I've already mentioned the stretch marks. I've heard some say to love your stretch marks because its proof that you've had babies. If you love your stretch marks...more power to you. I don't like mine.

I have gained so much fulfillment. I know its not their job, but my kids fulfill my life. They give me purpose. I have so much passion for my kids. At times they drive me crazy. At time I even need to distance myself from them. But I still love them more than anything. We have alot of fun together! 

They make me smile!

Even with the ups and downs, gains and losses...I am so so thankful for my girls. I will take the stretch marks, identity loss and, weight gain if that means being a mom.

Something to think about

So...this is my first post. We'll see how it goes. 

As I sit here trying to think of something to write, all I can think about is another blog I read this morning.  It was about bullying our own kids.

I could, unfortunately, relate to the mom who wrote it.  We get so caught up in our own lives and schedules. We are rushing here and there... groceries, cleaning, laundry, diaper changes, making meals, potty training, and everything else a mom of 3 kids does. We...I rush my kids...put your coat on, find your shoes, put your toys away, hurry hurry hurry. That's not how I pictured motherhood being. 

I pictured myself being the "perfect" mom. One who doesn't get stressed at the little unimportant things. One who can potty train in one day...because I'm just that good at being a mom. A mom who plays with her kids all day because I want to...but all the housework and laundry is magically done too.

I did not picture doing laundry all day and then not having energy to play dolls with my girls. I know I'm not the best at being patient. I worry and stress out way too fast... at everything. That is definitely my sin and downfall. I sometimes take my stress out on my kids. I snap. And isn't that bullying? Yelling at something one of the kids did wrong... that's not building them up, that's bullying with words. Sometimes I don't think before I talk. I just snap and then feel terribly guilty afterwards.  

Don't get me wrong I love my girls. I adore them. They are everything to me. But sometimes...they stress me out. 

I need to slow down. When one of my girls says "watch me!" I need to stop what I'm doing, and...watch. I need to stop rushing them, and let them do things, try things on their own... even if they don't do it my way. Maybe if they don't do something the way I want it done it's okay.